Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
