We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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