This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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