I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
