how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
