After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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