ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
