whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Come see our sink grown plant.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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