I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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