I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
