what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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