her vagine was all disorganized.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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