He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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