we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
