This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
