Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
