I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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