is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she peed on how many people?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
