At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize