Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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