The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
