He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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