The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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