I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
