coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
