umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
