If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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