Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
