I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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