why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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