i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
