You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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