I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
