i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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