Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
