chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
