So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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