Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
