I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
