Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize