dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
