how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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