I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
