I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Quick, to the slutcave!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
