Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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