I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
pray to the hookup gods
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
