gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
