Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
