ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
