Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
