you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I checked into jail on foursquare
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
