This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
