the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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