trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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