i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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