ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize