your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
