she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
