Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
