apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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