He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
