I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
