He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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