Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
