i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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