Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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