gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
