is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
