He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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