Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
