we're blogging at a bar
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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