when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
