I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
