i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
