I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
