What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
