I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
