this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
