Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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