Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
