I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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