i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
