he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
