Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
