We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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