So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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